she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
