you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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