is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
