We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
