im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
