walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
