I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
