I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
