Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize