i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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