I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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