im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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