Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
