Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
