Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
