Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
