didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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