There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
