3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
