that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
