So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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