508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After last night, I could never be a politician.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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