i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
