Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
