You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
