It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
