Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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