If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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