I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
