i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
