bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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