man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
