You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
