i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
