brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
