Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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