batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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