two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
