This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
