I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
