Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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