It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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