Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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