literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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