YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
