i think i have herpe
just one?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
