and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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