I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dignity is for republicans.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
