His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
