My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
