my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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