I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize