like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
third nipple confirmed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
