Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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