you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
