Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
