I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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