girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
