You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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