I am puke
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
