The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i barfeds in our rink
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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