I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
