I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
