My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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