i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
