can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
