Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
